ISBN    0-9778745-0-8
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(c) 2006

Can a Democrat
get into Heaven?


Columns by
Anne Shelby


Foreword by Gurney Norman   15
How to Use This Book   17

You Scratch My Money, I’ll Scratch Yours

Long Hot Dry Weird Summer   25
Lonely Life of a Clay County Democrat   28
Praise the Lord – and the FBI   30
Welcome to Coal Country   33
Run Over Bad Bill with Overloaded Gravel Truck  36
I Have Been to the Mountaintop –
But It Wasn't There   39
Parkway to Prayer   42
Hard to Swaller   44
Regime Change   46
State of the Onion   48
On the Sick List   50
my pinion bout the lection   52
Simple Things: The Mind of George Bush   54
Social Insecurity   56
In Search of the Liberal Agenda   58
Lighten Up, People   61

The Apostle Paul never said anything about
women keeping silent in the newspaper

Visit to a Little Country Church   67
Women in the Bible   69
A Woman's Place   71
Fussin’ about the Bible   75
A Wet Week at Bible Camp   78
A Different Bible?   80
Plowing the Middle Ground   83
That Old Time Religion   86
Thou Shalt Not Display the Ten Commandments
In the Courthouse   89
The Ten Commandments of Jesus   93
The Gays, the Bishops and the Robinsons   96
Columnist Tries to Avoid Controversy   98

Life Gets Teges:    
Finding the Mundane in the Everyday

How Teges Got Its Name   103
The Creek and the Computer   107
Satellite Dish   110
How to Get Dogs   112
How to Keep Dogs   114
Old Sayings and New Appliances   116
The Long Haul   118
Who What When Where, Why – and What?   120
A Hot Topic   122
Breakin' Up Winter   124
City Water Comes to the Country   126
Quit Makin' Fun of the Way I Talk   129
Why I Hate Hillbilly Plays   132

Mules, Haints & Asphalt Salesmen:  
Poor, But We've Got Stories

Once Upon a Driveway   139
Storehouse of Memories   142
Pea Pickin' Tale   145
One Time There Was This Mule   147
Poor, But We’ve Got Stories   149
Witches, Haints and Hyenas   151
Haint Tale   153
The One About the Turtles   155
Old First   157
Woman at the Well   161
Is This Your Story?   164
Something for the Pain   168

Occasionally Yours:
Muddling Through the Year

Big Fat Lies   173
Death and Taxes   175
The Cornett Family Reunion   178
Myrtle Beach   180
From Every Mountainside   183
Wildflowers, Women and Song   185
Thousands of Husbands Disappear   187
How to Tell It's Fall   190
Thanks a Lot   192
Corrections & Clarifications   194
What'll We Do for the Christmas Play?   196
Spirits of Christmas Past   198
Christmas Journey 200
A Triplet Christmas   203

They Don’t Make 'em Like That Anymore:
Memories and Good-byes

Elvis, Happy Birthday in Heaven   209
Remembering Rosemary   211
Remembering Lee Howard   214
Goodbye, Sweetheart   216
Aunt Molly Jackson   218
They Don't Make 'em Like My Daddy Anymore   220
House for Sale   224
Fare Ye Well, Old Joe Clark   226

Afterword by Jamie Johnson   228
230 pages
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